By now, you know what I'm going to say about that man or woman that you just love so much and have to have.
I've posted many times about what you should look for in "the right one".
If he will not leave, put aside, do away with habits that don't protect and/or destroys the bond you have with him, then he is not "the one".
I'm not referring to a man who is learning to be YOUR good man rather I'm referring to a man who is completely defiant regarding your standards.
If you don't have any standards, then perhaps he is the right man but you're the wrong woman for right now.
Either way, what you allow or accept is what will be given.
Weigh it out. Look over this year alone and see how many times has he done the same thing. AND DON'T BE FOOLED by him having changed his actions because the theme is still valid.
If he stopped staying out til the morning but stays downstairs on the phone or social media with other women then he hasn't changed. He switched his actions but the theme of infidelity remains the same with him and therefore he is still the man that is no good for you.
If you allow it, then you're not ready for any man at this moment. Take time to evaluate why you allow what you allow and when you get to the root of the issue, deal with that and then open to receiving the love you deserve.
If she will not respect you, nurture you and your house, nor consider you in her actions before she does them, then she is not "the one".
Again, I'm not referring to a woman learning on the job. I was a woman who learned on the job and am still learning while applying what I know to my relationship. If you have a woman that's trying, then she's a keeper.
I'm referring to a woman who insists on talking down to you, the one that enjoys reducing you to shreds (especially in front of others), the woman who never hears you nor listens to you and if she does then she does the opposite. The woman who makes her son not want a woman like her and never want to be a man like you and keeps her daughters unwed because she taught them the wrong way by her actions….That's the woman I'm referring to as the wrong one.
How many times in this year alone has she intentionally embarrassed you?
How many times has she let the kids (biological or not) disrespect you.
How many times has she made sure you knew she wasn't sorry and will continue to do what she's doing?
How much longer will you take it?
The same rules that apply to a woman identifying if her man is the right one are the same rules that apply to a man identifying if his woman is the right one.
What you allow or accept is what will be given. If you prefer to rely on the notion that "it's cheaper to keep her" then you too aren't ready for a woman at this moment anyhow. Take time to see why you refuse to let her go and when you get to the root of the issue, deal within yourself and again, then open to receive the love you deserve.
BUT WHAT IF YOU'RE MARRIED?
Then honey-baby-sugar-pop, you both will have to discuss working out these issues while you're together. Address how you feel (but do not place any blame on them….if you say, "you did this" then that leaves room for their defenses to kick in instead of a possible door opening up for a good talk), as I was saying, address how you feel in a letter, a text, an email, a phone call even, if you can't do a face to face confrontation. Seek a good marriage counselor OR agree to help each other HELP EACH OTHER. It's possible that they won't receive you or even see themselves in need of changing.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
It takes two to argue.
It takes two to stay in a dysfunctional relationship and if you aren't the one to change then everything will remain the same.
The change is for you! So if you have to go at it alone, then do so because you can't stay the way you are. It's too costly…your children and anyone else who you are leading are watching how you handle yourself and they are taking notes AND are following suit.
Would you want your son or daughter with a husband or wife like you?
Would you want your son or daughter with a husband or wife like your spouse?
Would you want your children to resent you because you stayed or because you didn't stick up for yourself?
On the flip side, there's always the chance that your spouse will simply vacate and truth be told, you'll get through it quicker once you realize that they left a long time ago or possibly were never really there.
Should you have the opportunity to remarry, then you want better than what you had. Only thing is you can't get better than what you had if you don't become better than who you used to be. Just think, if you change for the better while they remain the same, then you two will not match anymore than you do now.
If they care to stay with you, they will seek change for themselves and for the marriage.
If they don't care to stay with you then they will leave you…..and the new you person will hurt but will have peace that the doors are finally open for someone who deserves you to come along.
So…with all that being said…should you take them with you into 2015?
SHOULD YOU TAKE YOU WITH YOU INTO 2015?