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self reflection

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The "I'm Sorry" Letter

The "I'm Sorry" Letter came about after finding an old favorite picture, looking into the eyes of my 18 year old self, and realizing that I was a participant of my own sorrow.

I decided to write myself an apology which serves as the guidelines I will always live by and up to and I'm not only sharing how this letter shaped my life but I'm also challenging you to watch this video to find out exactly how to write yourself an apology letter.

I hope you'll share your process with me in the comments or at info@nzingajackson.com.

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THE REAL DEAL BEHIND WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK

If you’ve been following my Instagram and Facebook pages, then you know that I’ve been pushing the idea that it’s time to “DO”.  It’s time to execute the plans we’ve made because if you know anything from the news you hear or even what you see, you also know that anything can happen at any given moment.  Life is precious because it expires easily and the only thing left of us on earth is what we’ve done, but I didn’t come here today to talk about death, although I believe you should acknowledge it being just as real as life.

I want to talk to you about what’s really holding you back.  I’m all about identifying reasons and then talking about the how in reference to the what or the who and today, I want to talk to you about PEOPLE!

What they’ll think of me, what they’ll say about me, and how they’ll treat me are all underlying reasons as to why we do what we do and don’t do.  To some degree, caring what others think can help you step your game up so that they can only say good things about you or so that if they talk badly about you, at least they can’t say it was all bad and then we can call it hate or jealousy to make ourselves feel better about being talked about (got all of that?  Good!).

Okay, on to the topic of discussion which is The Real Deal Behind What’s Holding You Back

The real deal is that people treat you based on what they’ve said about you

Have you ever noticed that you’re treated more kindly or rudely in public based upon a private conversation?  I can remember plenty of times where people became silent the moment I walked in the room or made sudden changes after spending time with someone who wasn’t fond of me.  I can also remember being treated better or worse than everyone in the room because of what was said about me behind closed doors.  You too may have befriended someone who loves your company in private but the moment they’re around the people they’ve gossiped to about you, their demeanor changes.  On the flip, there are those who, because of how you can leverage their WHOLE life, love you to death to everyone until there’s someone “higher” to love.  Cut it any way you want, none of this feels good at all.  Cut it up a little more and what’s left to be discovered is why any of it moves you at all, even if a little bit.

Secondly, people talk about you based on what they think of you

Everyone has their defenses up in order NOT to be “taken for a fool”, as they say.  You’re never innocent until proven guilty but you’re guilty until proven innocent and depending on the experiences of the one who is evaluating what kind of crimes you’re capable of committing, they will hand down a charge and sentence based on your money, your children, your spouse, your job, your clothes, your hair, your walk, your talk, your beliefs, your faith, the whiteness of your teeth, and your anything.  You will always be the topic of discussion in every seat they take at every table they sit because perception is linked to the mind and frankly, you’re on theirs and they don’t know how to get you off nor out let alone face the reason behind why you’re on it!  It’d be nice if there was an audience that refuses to take a seat at the table for gossip tales but until we all get there, keep in mind that you too will have your turn at being an audience member and starting a new wave is always the nice and right thing to do.

Thirdly, people think of you according to how they see themselves

Sometimes you’re their mirror and they hate you or love you because of who you have the nerve to be despite the trend and sometimes, they just want you as company for their misery (yes, I know I could have said misery loves company but that’s not the way I’m rolling this time around the blog bend).  The only way people can perceive what kind of soul you are is because of what’s in theirs.  People love or hate another person because of something they have in common and what they were taught to think about the TYPE of person they have something in common with.  When we cross paths with one another, there’s an interaction that takes place and it either rubs us the right way or the wrong way. So, if they feel that you’re trying to be someone you’re not, it’s because they’re trying to be someone they’re not or they used to be someone they weren’t.  Maybe it was the way you walked in, the color you chose to wear, the look in your eyes, or even your resting (you know what) face that triggered an action inside of them that reminded them of the beam in their own eye.  They’ll either love you for it or they’ll hate you for it but either way, their response to you is based on how they see themselves and what they’re saying/doing or not saying/doing about what they see.  You are a walking conviction to others who refuse to do what they’re supposed to do and be who they’re supposed to be because every time they see you, hear you, or even hear your name, they’re reminded that they’re only existing instead of living.  On the flip, sometimes they’re right and they just want to be far away from you as possible to avoid going back to who they used to be (which means they’re still processing) or avoid being exposed.

So, now that we’ve broken all down why people think about, talk about, and treat you the way they do, we can clearly see that the heart of their issues with you HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!!

These are all judgements AND as I’ve told you before, (at least I think I did), judgements are bad AND good opinions outside of the truth and you have to make it up in your mind that the truth is all that matters to you and works for you.  Why are you abiding by rulings (judgement) that have no officiation over your life?  Someone’s good or bad ruling cannot make you nor break you IF it’s not the truth.  By all means, if something someone has said about you rings true or if the way someone treats you is warranted then you have to face that head on, understand their defenses, and do your best to change, only you’re not changing because you want to be treated better but you’re changing because you want to BE better!  However, if your character, moral, values, and overall heartitude does not line up with their accusations, why does it bother you to the point of conforming for their acceptance?  Thoughts and actions of doing things for the sake of other people having something nice to say and treating you better when you are already who you’re supposed to be makes you a prisoner in their cell.  You and all of them are now bunk buddies who have arrived at the same place for committing the same crime of attacking YOU!

So essentially, the point isn’t that what others think or being concerned about what others think is holding your back.  Is there something about their idea of you that rings true in your heart?  Or, and here’s the real question behind the real deal behind what’s holding you back, is it that your perception of yourself isn’t strong enough to knock the teeth out of their perception.  Sure, maybe you know who you really are but are you making sure the real you is free at all times or do you lock yourself up occasionally when so and so comes around?  It’s easy to commit an act in order to persuade another to think or feel a particular way about you but when you respond to the opinions of others, you get distracted from being yourself and when you are distracted from being yourself, you prove the haters, the doubters, the non-believers, the opinionaters to be right in their ways toward you.

If you don’t care what others think then you won’t let their thoughts and actions stop you but bigger than that, if you were FULLY sold on who you are, YOU WOULD MOVE FORWARD.  

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BACK TO LOVE, LIFE, AND THE BEGINNING

In a world that’s constantly moving forward, we find solace in going back.  Of course I’m not referring to going backward in progress, but I’m talking about going back to the “heart of it all” in order to keep sane and whole while we go for it all.

I decided to name my blog “Back to Back” because I’m always pointing to the foundations, principles, purposes, and motives behind and within what we do and how we think.  I truly believe that a great or greater life experience is based on our heartitude, mindset, and attitude.  Alter any of those the right way and one can only see success in multiple areas of their lives at the same time although it may have taken tears, hurt, or a knife in the back to get there.  …now that I think about it, you’re going to need to go back to the heart of it all just to readjust the heart, mind, and spirit to prevent those kinds of experiences from taking you over and out with anger, bitterness, and fear.

Going back is really going forward as is being humble is really the way up.  While it’s a matter of choice, it’s really gotta be in your heart to be that kind of person or else the right situation will bring out the beast that has yet to be fully put away.  The fact of the matter is that all of us have the ability to be a little beastful and peaceful but to go from beast to total peace, we have to keep working on that weakness until it’s a strength. Weaknesses only trap us when we don’t know what they are or refuse to acknowledge that we have them.  The act of going back instills a heartitude, mindset, and attitude that remains unchanged by the strange™ and it’s essential to make space for, make room for, and even steal away for the chance to go back to the beginning so that you can get back to being the real you.  In order to become and remain who we are destined to be, no matter what or who does and doesn’t happen, we have to go back to love, back to life, and essentially back to the beginning!

With that being said, I’m giving you one good reason to go “Back to Love, Life, and the Beginning":

I’m not even going to try to define what love is.  Instead, I’d rather talk about the way it makes us feel, how it changes us, and how to get to that place on a daily basis in order to give you one good reason to go back to love. (…I really did try to go with one good reason lol but not only are there so many but there are also so many points to one good reason!)

Here’s the reason:  Love makes you live the unconditional life!

Okay so maybe it didn’t pack a punch for you just yet but keep reading and I think you’ll see the capacity for that statement to deliver a TKO.

First thing’s first, you must always remember that love is not judgement, which is an opinion or declaration of something or someone being defined as good or bad, but love is indeed always unconditional. 

To be a lover, you have to be a giver, and to be a giver, you have to be in tune with who you are and who you aren’t because family, friends, coworkers, strangers, and anyone else you can think of are likely to be prone to loving you at their convenience.  Now, some are fully aware of what they’re doing and they just want to get away with it and others don’t have a clue but both types of people are interacting with you this way because you haven’t taught them how to treat you but that’s an entirely different blog.  Convenience in return for your unconditional love doesn’t feel good and if you aren’t careful with making sure you’re consistently involved in knowing yourself, you’ll allow convenience to change you into a conditional lover.  Conditional love brings so many limits and boundaries cusped by fear…and that doesn’t feel good, look good, nor does it make good for a great and greater life experience.

Here’s how conditional love looks:

You’re holding the door for a stranger or letting someone jump in front of you while in traffic.  The immediate thought is that the person is going to say “thank you” or at least give you a thank you wave or nod that you can see through their back window but when they don’t, the responses can vary between, “That’s rude.  Can’t say thank you?  I didn’t have to hold the door for you you know or even I should’ve let you sit there and wait.”

Why?

It’s because the giver was committed to a loving act with an expectation of a reward instead of delighting in the fact that they are a product of love and they live to give based on who they are, not who others are not.  Conditional love always requires the acceptance and payback from others but unconditional love only requires self-acceptance and contentment with the fact that your payback is coming in a major way multiple times from resources beyond your control.  Sowing and reaping is a universal principle, no matter your belief system, that is set to automatically occur each time you participate in the cycle.

Lastly, you cannot give what you don’t have, which brings me to ask, have you put yourself on your list ahead of everyone else?

When you are open to the idea of unconditional love, you start to realize how you treat yourself and those closest to you.  Unconditional love will help you see that you’re demanding others to do what you won’t even do for yourself.  Unconditional love gently holds you accountable to change and gives you the courage to face the beast, the bad, and the ugly.  It’s not that you can’t engage in self-discovery but it’s having to look at all of the things that you haven’t dealt with in order to engage in self-discovery.  Everyone has a story!  Some are more intense and horrifying than others but rest assured everyone has a story that connects us all in one way or another.  However, when someone chooses to be aloof to who they are and are not, they start driving the people around them in circles by making it the job of others to figure them out.  They leave it up to others to make them happy and secure.  The thing is, when and if a loved one fulfills a demand, it’ll never be enough.  Something will be wrong or “off” with the giving or in time the leaps and bounds they’ve conquered will not be enough and the only thing left to do is make another request…and another…and another…and another…and another.  This makes a conditional lover appear insatiable to the ones they love. It sends the message that since the requestor can’t be pleased then the “fulfiller” is incapable of doing anything right.  The whole not knowing yourself thing combined with the conditional love thing is really the root cause of all relationship issues including the one we have with our selves.

I don’t want to do that to myself nor my loved ones.  I love us all too much to focus on the conditions that society puts on love.

When you fill up before you pour out, you avoid the exasperating feat of trying to give on empty and when you leave yourself open to receiving unconditional love, you can give it because it’s who you are more than it will ever be what you do.

Make room for love at the start of your day, throughout your day, and at the end of your day…. Okay so I’m really saying make making room for love a way of life.  It will help you to be who you REALLY are at all times and at all costs because you’ve already paid your cost to be your boss.

Get back to the heart of all matters, back to the start of it all, back to love.

And stay tuned for my video/vlog about the flip side of unconditional love!


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