Viewing entries tagged
self awareness


The "I'm Sorry" Letter

The "I'm Sorry" Letter came about after finding an old favorite picture, looking into the eyes of my 18 year old self, and realizing that I was a participant of my own sorrow.

I decided to write myself an apology which serves as the guidelines I will always live by and up to and I'm not only sharing how this letter shaped my life but I'm also challenging you to watch this video to find out exactly how to write yourself an apology letter.

I hope you'll share your process with me in the comments or at



THE Aha! Moment That Changed My Life


In Chapter 4, "Note To Self", of my book, "Hard Work Is Heart Work", I tell you how a picture of my baby boy and I brought me to tears as an adult and made me write the young girl staring back in the photo an apology letter.


The thing is that in this letter, I didn't write to her about what others did because that would only provide an excuse not to face the past.  Instead, I apologized to her about what I refused to do for myself and how I treated myself in spite of being assaulted, abused, emotionally traumatized, impoverished, misunderstood, broken into pieces, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown at only 18 years old.


To whom much is given, much is required and I figured out why bad things happen to good people.  It's because we come to earth packed up with so much of the good stuff that opposing forces join together in hopes of making us believe that we aren't who we are, don't have what we have, or will give up and quit from being too tired to fight any longer.


I always feel like we were very ill prepared for what life really is and that that's the reason we are so flabbergasted when the time comes to face your enemy and your "inner-me".  Only the truth can help us prepare, endure, and come back from the impact of life's hard blows.  For some reason, there's this strange idea floating around that if we have great skill, talent, and ability (or even looks) that we are exempt from being tested like crash test dummies in an auto factory.  The fact is that if we have great skill, talent, ability AND we are aware of it, none of those skills, talents, and abilities show up until the real you is tired of being pushed into the wall.... tired losing fights, tired of trying to win on someone else's terms, and is ready to settle the score in your own way!  Your own way requires that YOU be YOU but, the price for choosing to stop believing and agreeing with those opposing forces always starts in the pocket of your heart.

Unpacking the good stuff you came to earth with brings love and hate at the same time and if you're not careful in making sure that you know who you are and who you are not, you'll be too busy going up and down everyone else's emotional rollercoaster instead of remaining unchanged by the strange™.


The best part of you is still breathing and ready to live despite the blows of life.  The only way you'll win is with a shovel, which represents your gifts, talents, and abilities.

Bury "IT"... not you and if you need some help shaking the dirt off, email me at, but in the meantime, what's your Aha! Moment??! 




If you’ve been following my Instagram and Facebook pages, then you know that I’ve been pushing the idea that it’s time to “DO”.  It’s time to execute the plans we’ve made because if you know anything from the news you hear or even what you see, you also know that anything can happen at any given moment.  Life is precious because it expires easily and the only thing left of us on earth is what we’ve done, but I didn’t come here today to talk about death, although I believe you should acknowledge it being just as real as life.

I want to talk to you about what’s really holding you back.  I’m all about identifying reasons and then talking about the how in reference to the what or the who and today, I want to talk to you about PEOPLE!

What they’ll think of me, what they’ll say about me, and how they’ll treat me are all underlying reasons as to why we do what we do and don’t do.  To some degree, caring what others think can help you step your game up so that they can only say good things about you or so that if they talk badly about you, at least they can’t say it was all bad and then we can call it hate or jealousy to make ourselves feel better about being talked about (got all of that?  Good!).

Okay, on to the topic of discussion which is The Real Deal Behind What’s Holding You Back

The real deal is that people treat you based on what they’ve said about you

Have you ever noticed that you’re treated more kindly or rudely in public based upon a private conversation?  I can remember plenty of times where people became silent the moment I walked in the room or made sudden changes after spending time with someone who wasn’t fond of me.  I can also remember being treated better or worse than everyone in the room because of what was said about me behind closed doors.  You too may have befriended someone who loves your company in private but the moment they’re around the people they’ve gossiped to about you, their demeanor changes.  On the flip, there are those who, because of how you can leverage their WHOLE life, love you to death to everyone until there’s someone “higher” to love.  Cut it any way you want, none of this feels good at all.  Cut it up a little more and what’s left to be discovered is why any of it moves you at all, even if a little bit.

Secondly, people talk about you based on what they think of you

Everyone has their defenses up in order NOT to be “taken for a fool”, as they say.  You’re never innocent until proven guilty but you’re guilty until proven innocent and depending on the experiences of the one who is evaluating what kind of crimes you’re capable of committing, they will hand down a charge and sentence based on your money, your children, your spouse, your job, your clothes, your hair, your walk, your talk, your beliefs, your faith, the whiteness of your teeth, and your anything.  You will always be the topic of discussion in every seat they take at every table they sit because perception is linked to the mind and frankly, you’re on theirs and they don’t know how to get you off nor out let alone face the reason behind why you’re on it!  It’d be nice if there was an audience that refuses to take a seat at the table for gossip tales but until we all get there, keep in mind that you too will have your turn at being an audience member and starting a new wave is always the nice and right thing to do.

Thirdly, people think of you according to how they see themselves

Sometimes you’re their mirror and they hate you or love you because of who you have the nerve to be despite the trend and sometimes, they just want you as company for their misery (yes, I know I could have said misery loves company but that’s not the way I’m rolling this time around the blog bend).  The only way people can perceive what kind of soul you are is because of what’s in theirs.  People love or hate another person because of something they have in common and what they were taught to think about the TYPE of person they have something in common with.  When we cross paths with one another, there’s an interaction that takes place and it either rubs us the right way or the wrong way. So, if they feel that you’re trying to be someone you’re not, it’s because they’re trying to be someone they’re not or they used to be someone they weren’t.  Maybe it was the way you walked in, the color you chose to wear, the look in your eyes, or even your resting (you know what) face that triggered an action inside of them that reminded them of the beam in their own eye.  They’ll either love you for it or they’ll hate you for it but either way, their response to you is based on how they see themselves and what they’re saying/doing or not saying/doing about what they see.  You are a walking conviction to others who refuse to do what they’re supposed to do and be who they’re supposed to be because every time they see you, hear you, or even hear your name, they’re reminded that they’re only existing instead of living.  On the flip, sometimes they’re right and they just want to be far away from you as possible to avoid going back to who they used to be (which means they’re still processing) or avoid being exposed.

So, now that we’ve broken all down why people think about, talk about, and treat you the way they do, we can clearly see that the heart of their issues with you HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!!

These are all judgements AND as I’ve told you before, (at least I think I did), judgements are bad AND good opinions outside of the truth and you have to make it up in your mind that the truth is all that matters to you and works for you.  Why are you abiding by rulings (judgement) that have no officiation over your life?  Someone’s good or bad ruling cannot make you nor break you IF it’s not the truth.  By all means, if something someone has said about you rings true or if the way someone treats you is warranted then you have to face that head on, understand their defenses, and do your best to change, only you’re not changing because you want to be treated better but you’re changing because you want to BE better!  However, if your character, moral, values, and overall heartitude does not line up with their accusations, why does it bother you to the point of conforming for their acceptance?  Thoughts and actions of doing things for the sake of other people having something nice to say and treating you better when you are already who you’re supposed to be makes you a prisoner in their cell.  You and all of them are now bunk buddies who have arrived at the same place for committing the same crime of attacking YOU!

So essentially, the point isn’t that what others think or being concerned about what others think is holding your back.  Is there something about their idea of you that rings true in your heart?  Or, and here’s the real question behind the real deal behind what’s holding you back, is it that your perception of yourself isn’t strong enough to knock the teeth out of their perception.  Sure, maybe you know who you really are but are you making sure the real you is free at all times or do you lock yourself up occasionally when so and so comes around?  It’s easy to commit an act in order to persuade another to think or feel a particular way about you but when you respond to the opinions of others, you get distracted from being yourself and when you are distracted from being yourself, you prove the haters, the doubters, the non-believers, the opinionaters to be right in their ways toward you.

If you don’t care what others think then you won’t let their thoughts and actions stop you but bigger than that, if you were FULLY sold on who you are, YOU WOULD MOVE FORWARD.