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Giving up is so hard to do when you really love someone.
— Van McCoy for the Legendary Donny Hathaway

I used to listen to this song as a girl and sing it with all the feeling I could muster up although I had no full understanding of the lyrics until I wanted to give up on someone I loved.  I thought that when you love someone, you stick with them and through other life experiences I changed the narrative to "you stick with them UNLESS they refuse to love you back".  Loving someone is a choice and when we come to that understanding by making the decision to love, it does NOT feel good when someone doesn't love you back because ....well...you understand that they've made the choice not to.

When it appears or looks like someone is choosing not to love you back, we instantly decide to take a look at ourselves instead of sizing up the capability of the one we love TO love.  It's possible that they don't have all of the information they need to make the choice to love you back.  It's also possible that it's you and not them, but what I want to discuss with you today is this:  What if you're right for each other?  Furthermore, what if you're doing the right thing the wrong way?  When I say that there are 3 Clues That Prove You're Fighting The Right Fight The Wrong Way, I'm not talking about loving the wrong one but rather loving the right one and the relationship isn't going anywhere.

So, let's get into it.  The first clue is:

1.  Exhaustion

At this point, you don't know anything else except you're tired.  It's the only thing that makes sense to say and the only thing that resonates within you.  You can't say you want to stay and you can't quite say that you want to leave and if you do say you want to leave then something in you still wants things to work out.  What you do know for sure is that you're tired and you don't want to do "this" - whatever you're "this" is - anymore.  You don't want to do "this" anymore so badly that you'd rather walk away and give up just for the sake of "this" stopping.  That's all you want to do!  You just want "this" to stop by any means necessary and that means that you, my love, have reached exhaustion.  Your desire is just to get away from it all. Love is of no matter to you, neither are the consequences, rewards, or success of sticking it out.  These are key points that indicate you're exhausted of the situation moreso than you are of the person or the relationship.  Before you call it quits based on a numbing emotion, wait until you can "feel" again because the last thing you want to do is move on and into another relationship with your mind wondering what to do with what your heart is feeling again.

2.  No Results

Everything you do just seems to make matters worse and you're stopped before you get started. You do your best to overcome the feeling of wanting to quit in order to "do something nice", or special, or different just to have something go wrong and your plans blow up in your face.  It causes an overwhelming frustration that leads you to wonder why bother trying anything at all.  You become silent, reviewing what you did wrong, and reviewing your heart's intent, and wondering why your efforts aren't making a dent in things.  There's always an undercurrent of, "not good enough", running through the veins of the relationship and it causes you to try and try and try again until you are forced to resort to clue number 1, "Exhaustion".  When you see that your hands are tied from trying to do anything at all, ask your loved one to untie them by asking them what THEY want from you right here and right now.  Then give it to them.  The right one will allow their heart to be satisfied at the fact that you asked and did and will in turn ask you what can they do for you at the moment of asking.  Keep in mind that the results may not come out the exact way you anticipated but as you continue to ask, it will squash the fires that are trying to burn your love to the ground.

3.  Nothing Sticks

Ahhhh!  You did something you just knew would work well and it worked it did........for a little while.  This emotional rollercoaster ride leaves you laughing one minute and crying the next just to laugh again then cry later.  It places you in a state of paranoia, which is of course unsettling because you NEVER know what to expect.  On the ride home from work, your stomach begins to sink to your feet simply because you don't know if you're going to argue once you get into the door or if you'll have a night of peace.  Out of these 3 clues, I personally feel this is the worse one of all because it keeps you living in pieces instead of peace.  Living in peace cannot be bought and yet, living in pieces is something no one can afford to do.  Once you see that things work for a little while and then they don't, it can also be a clue that you're fighting the right fight the wrong way.  Eventually you'll arrive at clue number 2, "No Results".  When you're in the phase of, "Nothing Sticks", get off the ride!  You can't just start doing what you think is best when you haven't fixed the mess.  Go back to the start of the line and this time, don't wear shoes that fudge your height, but show your real stature.  If you don't make the mark this year, there's an entire set of rides available to you until you do make the mark for something new.

When you're fighting the wrong fight the wrong way, it can appear that the type of bond you share with another is not the bond that's going to stick.  To be sure whether the relationship is the right or wrong one, you have to do one thing and that one thing is TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT while sticking with what works.  If you're used to taking them to Friday's for dinner, try a diner.  If you're used to talking things out face to face, try being quiet while holding hands.  If you're used to running out of the door, try staying.  If you're used to displaying an awful attitude, try expressing how you feel and choosing to rise above it.  If you're used to buying flowers, make a date to visit a botanical garden or better yet, plant one together.  

I think you get the point.  

Many times, we base our relationships on what we know or what we've seen from someone or something else instead of figuring out what works for us.  It's like a weightloss program.  You cut out dairy, start exercising, and after 4 weeks, you've lost no weight or you've only lost a couple of pounds.  It's possible that you need those boiled eggs because it's the perfect protein source for YOUR body.  It's possible that instead of walking up and down hills that bulk your thighs, you have to walk on a flat surface to slim them out.  With just a few of the RIGHT tweaks, you'll have lost weight like never before!  The thing is, when you find what works you'll continue to stay on that path until you reach the goal you set out for.  Until then, you don't really desire to give up on your weightloss journey; YOU JUST WANT IT TO WORK!  Likewise, you're not really tired of the relationship;  YOU JUST WANT IT TO WORK and that's possible if you'd just try something different!  You'll find that doing the right thing in the right fight produces results that keep you going onto winning the battle!!

Agree to find what works, then back to back, use it WIN in love.

P.S.- this isn't just for romantic relationships but it's for all of the right relationships. ;)

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